


The minor Circumstance

by Uoftentimes



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alien Flora & Fauna, Alien/Human Relationships, Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Introspection, Light Angst, M/M, Mild Blood, alien!phil
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:28:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26547544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Uoftentimes/pseuds/Uoftentimes
Summary: He had been Dan with a Plan.  A road trip across the States in a camper van, living rough and visiting all of the places he had always seen in the movies. But like most things in Dan's life he hadn't actually thought it through.Welcome to my self indulgent kitschy desert si-fi fic-  now with 80% more dnp and introspection.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 6





	1. Ch 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by @olfrogbait's _a life of possibilities_ Alien!Phil  
> and I just kinda got carried away.
> 
> Thank you so much to @chiridotalaevis for your beta work 💕
> 
> *Please note: There is a hand injury in this fic, nothing super graphic.*

_fuck fuck fuck_

Dan snaps back to reality.

“Sorry, what?”

The mechanic gives him a sad little smile.

“Let me know what you want to do when you’ve had a think,” he repeats.

Dan nods, unsure of what he is actually agreeing to.

Leaving the dim light of the mechanic's, the brightness is blinding. The landscape hopelessly faded from the onslaught of sunlight.

~

The cafe is pretty much empty. Dan walked to a booth in the back and at some point a coffee appeared, he can only assume he ordered it.

Dan idly rubbed the smooth, slightly sticky pleather of the booth, fingers catching as it became creased and cracked, mostly unaware of the thoughts rabbiting around in his brain until one came crashing into the full of his consciousness.

He was stranded, in the middle of nowhere, thousands of miles from anything familiar, with no money and no way to get home.

The tightness started at the back of his throat, spreading down to his chest.

_Okay, breathe, breathe…_ he just needs a plan. He just needs to think. He can do this, he isn't a complete idiot, right?

All evidence points to no, complete fucking idiot.

He wrapped both his hands around the overly hot coffee. The heat of the mug radiating through his hands, grounding him slightly, as milky galaxies swirled in his coffee.

He had been Dan with a Plan. A road trip across the States in a camper van, living rough and visiting all of the places he had always seen in the movies. But, like most things in Dan's life, he hadn't actually thought it through. It turns out camper vans are hard to come by and massively expensive. It turns out Dan hates living rough. It turns out Dan doesn't actually give a shit about views and vistas after the first few. He likes certain comforts, none of which you can actually get while living in a car. Like running water and a reliable internet connection. On the upside, the car he _had_ been able to afford lasted longer than he had expected, from New York to Nevada. Then it promptly died in this god forsaken town.

"Need anything else, hon?"

He looks up into soft brown eyes, nestled in lines of a life spent laughing. Eyes that remind him of his mother.

Is it possible to miss a comfort that you never really had?

The answer seems to be a resounding Yes.

He quickly looked away, mumbling some incoherent answer, hoping the waitress would leave before he could project any more of his parental issues on her.

He didn't need someone to witness his inevitable breakdown if he actually stops to think about how fucked he was. Okay, he was not _completely_ fucked. He just needed to come up with a new plan, and maybe go have a cry in his car.

Except he can't.

Because it's no longer a functioning car, just a heap of metal that won't even pay for a few nights in a motel.

The color drain from his face.

He was actually completely fucked.

"Oh, honey..."

He felt the booth seat shift as the waitress sat down opposite him. He was still looking down at his coffee, unwilling to meet her eyes. She reached out and patted his hand.

Normally Dan would recoil at this massive invasion of his personal space. But in that moment, so far from anything remotely familiar, he just melts. The tears started rolling down his cheeks, despite his best efforts.

The seats shift again and she is gone.

He started to collect his things before he embarrasses himself further, when the waitress came back with a huge plate.

"You look like you might need a hot meal, love."

Dan sat back down and softened, gratefully accepting the offered food. He didn't even care what it was or how pathetic he must have seemed, it had been so long since he had a proper meal. Financial planning had never been his strong suit, and that became abundantly clear on this road trip.

Cindy, the owner of the brown eyes and the cafe, introduced herself as she settled down next to Dan. And as he ate he was warmed by more than just the delicious food. Cindy radiated comfort. Dan found himself telling her things about his life he hadn't told his own family yet, let alone a complete stranger. He just wanted to curl up in her arms and pretend he finally has someone who was going to make it all ok.

And in an imperfect way he did. Within the hour he had a job (bussing at the cafe), and a place to live (with Cindy's brother, who lived a few blocks from the cafe on the edge of town). It's almost too good to be real.

Almost.

Cindy's brother, Ron, was a hard core survivalist, a "desert rat" as Cindy called him. After a short, slightly tense introduction, that Dan couldn't help feeling was more of an interrogation, Ron seemed to deem Dan acceptable and showed him to the flat with the caveat that if WW3 started Dan's lease would be void. Dan didn't understand that last bit until he saw the room.  
It was a basement conversion, extremely utilitarian and harsh, clearly made to wait out the End Times. But the flat had it's own kitchenette, bathroom, privet entrance, rent was incredibly cheap and it was better than sleeping in his nonfunctional car, so Dan and really couldn't say no.

Up by the ceiling, two tiny windows let in afternoon light that had a second hand quality, all the good bits already used up above ground. The walls, unpainted, made of concrete and several inches thick, did have an upside: even in the heat of the desert day they remained cool to the touch. A little cave, that, other than the small twin bed and metal shelves of emergency canned goods, was barren. It felt fitting. A personal doomsday bunker to hide from the end of his world.

~

He never outright decided he wasn't going back to home, it just sort of happened. At first he was saving for a plane ticket. But then he decided to buy a TV and console. He rationalized that he needed entertainment while he saved and he could just work a bit longer, it's not like it made any real difference.

Then he needed a more comfortable place to play said console, then a more comfortable pillow for his bed. And before long he was settled into his routine; he knew what was expected of him and for the most part he could passably meet those expectations. No one told him what to do in his free time, and the days just blurred together.  
He hadn't really noticed the time passing until Cindy gave him a little gift one morning when he was coming into his shift.

"I know it's not much", she said as he opened the box "but I wanted to celebrate your one year anniversary! "

It was a little crystal flower, like the kind his gran would have. Not exactly a gift for someone in their twenties, but Dan was touched that she had remembered him all the same.  
Cindy was always very thoughtful, if not a bit out of touch.

~

When he got home, he set the crystal flower on his table. Staring into silvery quarts, his mind began to spiral a bit.  
How did he let a whole year pass? Why the fuck hadn't he left already?

If he was honest with himself he had made enough to get back to Manchester months ago. But he never really allowed himself to think about why he wasn't leaving, what that meant…

It always seemed too hard to leave, it wasn't a good moment… Cindy needed him at the cafe, he…

Dan cycled through his life choices, trying to piece together some sort of clue. But was just a hellish monochrome puzzle with no edge pieces.

The problem is when you live your life to make other people happy, you fail. Not only did Dan fail, he was miserable and tired from trying to be someone he just couldn't force himself to be. His whole life, just stuck.  
But he couldn't stop trying. Because at least when he is failing at being what everyone wants him to be, he is trying to do the right thing. If he stopped he moved beyond being a disappointment and opened himself up for full out rejection, abandonment.

But then he did stop, he fully ran away from his "successful life" and now he is stuck here, in this limbo, a nonlife. But he knew, somewhere in the periphery of his mind, that he couldn't hide forever, the misery will catch up with him eventually.

He found himself staring out into those depths for a moment, on the precipice of falling into the abyss.

Then Dan did what he always did, what he had gotten so good at after all these years, and wrapped these questions and fears in cotton wool so he couldn't hear them screaming anymore and stuffed them in a box in his mind labeled “nope”. He couldn't deal with the abyss opening before him, so he wouldn't. He will deal with it later… Probably… Someday...  
He sat down to play FFV, getting lost in someone else's journey.

~

The cafe door burst open and two regulars came in buzzing.

"No, no, it's confirmed! They landed nearby … somewhere on the edge of town, Charlie got a read and everything".

"We're going out to the sight to scout around before the feds come and shut it down."

_Oh_

_This again_

Every few months a new "sighting" would happen. Normally it amounted to nothing but everyone got all excited every time.

Dan abstractly believed that aliens might be out there. Tragic hubris to think Earth is absolutely the only planet to evolve life in the whole universe. But aliens on Earth? Not likely. Why come here when you could explore the whole galaxy? Dan knew he wouldn't be here if he had a choice.

At first Dan found it funny, all the people that believed aliens would come to the middle of nowhere Nevada. But a year here has really dampened that humor. This place had none of the charm of the kitschy 60s aliens of Roswell or the eccentric charm of Marfa. Nothing here but the hardcore chasers, people trying to prove that their mass hallucination was real, that they aren't crazy. Most of them aren't, it is just sadness and desperation to prove that there is something more to life than their own existence. Or trying to understand the fucked up shit they had been through because it must have been aliens, the alternative would have been too painful, too disappointing. Something Dan understands this all too well to find it funny anymore.

~

Dan walked in the late afternoon sun coating the muted landscape in amber light. Still spring, the heat had not fully set in and the plants were all in full bloom; the desert flowers muted whites and yellows to match the landscape, as if no color could survive here. Walking down the dirt road, he absentmindedly kicked at the reddish earth, in no rush to get home. Another mediocre night of nothingness awaited him. He tried to rally his spirits, maybe he would make that frozen pizza he had been saving for a non vegan day and play some FFV.

  
A bright flash of purple made him snap back to his surroundings.

  
A large purple flower sat atop a long thin stalk, as if constantly defying gravity just to exist upright. The plant it was blooming from looked soft, almost fuzzy and so delicate. Its teardrop shaped leaves were a vivid green, in such stark contrast to the mute sage greens and browns of all the other plants.

_What are you doing here?_

He reached out, cupping his fingers around the blossom. An electric shock ran up his hand, as if he had been stung. On his palm was a small thin black thorn.

_Well that was fucking stupid._

He had been in the desert long enough to know not to touch anything, even soft looking plants could bite. He took the thorn between his fingernails, wincing as he pulled it out.

He washed his hands thoroughly when he got home and was going to put on a plaster, but the wound was so small, it hardly seemed worth it. He had a passing thought that the plant could have been poisonous. But surely he would have remembered Cindy warning him about a bright purple flower, he had never seen anything with so much color out here.

He made his dinner, the frozen pizza tasting, well, like a frozen pizza. But it was cheese and carbs, so he was happy. Plus, if you dip it in enough sauce, you can hardly taste the faint freezer burn. One thing he loved about the States was the plethora of new dips at his disposal.

He decided to play FFV and by the time his eyes started to get sore, it was already 11pm. He stood up, joints popping as he shook the blood back into his limbs. He changed into his pjs, brushed his teeth and lay in bed staring at the ceiling. A small blue sliver of light from the moon falling across it, as if it was a rift waiting to open up. On his darker nights Dan would wish it would open up and take him away from this weird limbo he had put himself in. But tonight he was too tired. And after a sad, half hearted wank, he fell asleep.

_Cactus._

_P_ _ulsing a glowing aura._

_Flower blooms unfurling to reveal unearthly violets and reds._

_Dan leans down. A galaxy is swimming in the center, where the pistol should be._

Dan woke up, curls plastered to his sweaty head. Even with the cold night air he was soaked. His palm throbbing, he let out a yelp as a sharp electric pain shot through his arm.  
He turned on his light and saw an angry purple red where the thorn had been.

_Fuck._

Maybe it was poisonous after all. He can't exactly call up his GP. He decided to ask Cindy about it at work tomorrow. Or today he corrected himself as he looked at the clock.

Unable to get back asleep, he got up and took a shower in the predawn darkness. He carefully wrapped his palm in a bandage to attempt to give it some padding for work.

As his shift went on, his stupid hand had become stiff, making it hard to carry plates.  
Cindy hadn't seen the purple plant before but she gave him some ointment and told him to go to the doctor in town. He promised he would if it wasn't better soon.

When he got home he dutifully rubbed the cream on his hand and put on a fresh bandage. Later, climbing into bed, he wondered if the odd dream last night was the side effect of the plant's poison, remembering the stories of certain cactuses causing hallucinations when touched.

~

His days seemed to go in and out of focus.

He found himself in the storeroom of the cafe with no memory of getting there.

He was in the middle of waiting on a table when he realized he had no idea what had been said. As if time was skipping around and he couldn't keep up.

And each night in fitful sleep he dreams...

_Phantom hands reaching around him._

_Limbs enveloping him. Brightness._

_Icy blue. Endless_

_Searching, frantic, nothing but darkness, cold empty._

_Faint pricks of light. Searching. So close._

<p>~</p>

After a week of the dreams and lack of restful sleep, his absentmindedness starts to get noticed by Cindy and some of his regulars at the cafe.

Jim, a weathered chaser, even dropped his usual harassment of Dan for being a non believer.

“Hey kid, you ok?” He asked after Dan apparently had him repeat his usual order three times.

Dan shook his head.

“Yeah, yeah, just haven't been sleeping well.“

Jims expression took on a knowing look, “Has time started going missing?“

“What?“

“Does it feel like you keep waking up in the middle of your day, having no memory of getting there.”

“Umm kinda?” Dan responded, still confused.

“Are you having odd dreams?”

“Yeah, how did you know…?“

When Jim abruptly left Dan was still just as confused.

Towards the end of Dan's shift Jim came back with another regular, Charlie. They both stared at Dan for a long time, asking the same questions over and over, asking about the dreams and missing time.

“Boy”, said Charlie, “you got abducted. Clear as can be. It's the only explanation. They did the mind wipe on you. But it must have been too strong.“

“Or maybe not strong enough if you are having the dreams.” Jim interjected, looking excitedly at Charlie.

Dan stared at them blankly.

Then he let out a tight little laugh. “Guys, I know this is your thing, but we all know it's not really real, I mean, no one actually gets abducted…”

They both stared stone faced.

“Come on,” Dan laughed. “I just got poked by that stupid purple flower and now it's messing with my head. Just like the two of you are now.”

“What flower?” Jim asked.

Dan described the vibrant purple flower. Jim and Charlie exchanged a dark look.

“What? Fuck, is it really positions? “

“We have never seen that flower before”, Charlie said darkly.

“And don't you live over at Ron's? Over by the crash site?" Jim added pointedly to Charlie.

“Guys come on…”

“No, think about it -” Jim began...

“What are you two yammering on about?”, Cindy interrupted.

“Dan here was abducted, he has all the symptoms,” Charlie stated.

Cindy turned to Dan. “What are they on about?”, she said, looking concerned.

“I just haven't been sleeping well…” Dan mumbled, “it's really not a big deal.“

“Is this about your hand? Have you been to see Dr Russel yet?”

“I was going to go soon…”

“Mmhmm” she said, knowing full well he had no intention of going. “Well don't wait too long, or these two will have you under interrogation.“

Dan attempted to keep himself together for the rest of his shift. When he got home he collapsed into bed.

_Desert sky at night, covered in a blanket of stars._

_Then opening up to impossibly bright colors, sweeping, agitating. Birthing._

_No human should see this, Dan knows this in his bones._

_Pulsing. Bright fire under layers of cracking darkness._

_Something pulling him closer, further into the depths._

_He should be afraid but it feels... familiar?_

_A slow search feeling. Almost like languid swimming._

_The certain knowledge that it's out there._

Dan woke up. His chest aching with the need of this unknown thing.

~

Dan's shift was almost over, the late afternoon sun was streaming in the windows, turning the browns and tans of the cafe an unsettling gold. Dan was watching the particles of dust and skin floating in the light, thinking about how disgusting this beautiful dancing show actually was.  
As he idly rubbed his fingers over his stiff palm, the door opened, all the dancing skin flakes disrupted.

The world went hazy around the edges. Dan’s heart began to race as his vision tunneled.

_You?_

The words landed in Dan's head, so clearly. It wasn't a harsh voice. Just a soft question, gently nudging at his mind.

"Me?" his own words startled him out of his daze.

Confusion flickered across the face in front of him. A face that was startlingly beautiful. Black hair framed an unbelievably pale face, almost translucent with a blueish undertone, as if you could see the veins underneath. Sharp angular features somehow softened by hypnotic blue eyes. And surprisingly pink lips.

_Oh god, stop looking at his lips_ His brain pleaded Say something… _for fuck sake._

“Welcome to Cindy's. How many?” His mouth said on autopilot.

The man looked confused again.

“How many what?”

“Huh?”

“You asked me how many. How many what?”

“Oh! Umm... people?… in your party?” Dan looked around blankly at the empty cafe.

“Oh I'm… just Phil, I mean me. I'm Phil?”

Dan bit back a retort about whether Phil was sure who he was and showed Phil to a spot at the counter.

Dan rarely waited on customers, but when he had to, he normally took the order and hid in the kitchen pretending to be busy. But today he found himself cleaning the same spot on the counter over and over in the hopes that Phil would occasionally exchange pleasantries with him.

For a long time Phil sat in silence eating his pancakes, then out of nowhere he asked "Do you think cereal should be classified as a soup?"

Dan let out a completely untamed guffaw. He hadn't meant to, but Phil's face lit up when he heard the laugh and beamed even brighter when Dan turned bright red, clapping his hand over his mouth to stuff the embarrassing sound back in.

Phil spent the rest of his time eating in silence occasionally looking at Dan as if he was about to say something. Dan kept hoping he would talk more, his cadence reminding Dan of home, soft and lilting in a world of hash hammerings of vowels. But Phil left in silence and Dan cursed himself for being too shy to ask him where he was from.

A big, embarrassing part of Dan wanted to run after him and beg Phil to take him with, wherever he was going, to ask him not to leave Dan alone here. But that was weird and more than a little creepy. Phil was a customer who came into the cafe while driving through Nevada, not Dan's savior.

Dan finished his shift instead and walked home in the setting sun, head full of thoughts trying to scream at him through the numb buzzing silence.  
The skipping time and throbbing pain had ceased. He hadn't realized it until the pain came creeping back when he got home. The heaviness slowly settling back down around him, like the stupid wet blanket it was, threatening to consume his world again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _He had been Dan with a Plan. A road trip across the States in a camper van, living rough and visiting all of the places he had always seen in the movies. But like most things in Dan's life he hadn't actually thought it through._
> 
> Welcome to my self indulgent kitschy desert si-fi fic- now with 80% more dnp and introspection.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I may or may not have been abducted by aliens. But there is WiFi up here so here is ch 2.
> 
> This was inspired by @olfrogbait's a life of possibilities Alien!Phil  
> and I just kinda got carried away.
> 
> Thank you so much to @olfrogbait for your beta work and encouragement 🖤👽
> 
> *Please note: There is a hand injury in this fic, nothing super graphic.*

The rain fell too fast, as if someone had left the tap on upstairs, leaving behind little rivers where the roads had been and turning the earth a deep red. A brief moment where the desert landscape was completely transformed. 

Dan watched the storm out the cafe window, thinking over the past few days. So much had changed yet everything around him was pretty much the same. It all started with that fucking flower. The wound was still there, as large as ever, but it had stopped hurting so Dan considered that a win. Then he had met that blue eyed stranger, Phil. Well, maybe he had met him? Dan was still not completely sure. He remembered the soft voice in his mind, the tunneling vision, and afterward Dan had caught himself imagining conversations with this Phil guy over the past few days. It's not like Dan actually expected to see him again (if he even saw him in the first place). This was a town people drove through on their way somewhere else. But he couldn't help indulging in all the various fantasies of what could have been.

Even without Phil coming back, for the first time since Dan could remember, he felt weirdly awake and excited. Maybe there were people out there who would take the time to actually understand him or at least welcome the confusing too-muchness that was his mind. 

_Jesus, I briefly met a cute stranger, this is not a life changing experience. Get a grip, Dan._

Dan jumped when the cafe door gave a little jingle, suddenly woken from his daydreaming and self-reprimanding, and he briefly wondered if he had actually fallen asleep. Right in front of him was the blue eyed stranger that he couldn't get out of his mind, smiling at him as he walked over to the counter and took a seat. 

"The pancakes were too good, I needed more," Phil said a bit sheepishly. 

"Well I can definitely help with that," Dan said, still unsure if this was real or not. 

Despite practicing conversations in his mind an embarrassing amount, once Phil was back in front of him, Dan couldn't think of a single thing to say. So he just kinda hovered.

"Outside is filled with water…" Phil observed, looking out the window. "Or rain… as it’s called when it comes from the sky," he added, looking at Dan as if he was proud he knew the word for this phenomenon. Dan started to laugh. But stopped when Phil just stared at him. It should have been off-putting, the off-kilter things Phil said out of nowhere, but somehow it was just endearing. 

"Yeah, it does that sometimes," was all Dan could think to say in his smitten haze. 

Dan had been so desperately trying to think of something else to say that he hadn't noticed Phil finishing his pancakes. 

"See you tomorrow?" Dan finally joked as Phil walked to the door. He didn't have time to regret the embarrassing implications of his joke, though, because Phil immediately looked back over his shoulder. Phil's smile spread across his face, a little tip of tongue trapped between his teeth. Dan tried to commit it to memory, all the while cursing himself for not striking up more of a conversation.

“He seemed nice,” Cindy said as Dan collected Phil's dishes. 

"Sure..." Dan said, as non committal as possible. The last time Cindy found out he fancied someone, she didn't stop pestering him until he went over and asked for their number. Dan never needed to go through that humiliation again. 

Cindy looked at him square in the eyes, "You sure you don't miss kids your own age?"

She always started in on Dan when someone in their 20s came in. As if she couldn't believe Dan was ok being by himself.

Sure, Dan had been lonely here, but it only abstractly bothered him. There was Cindy, who was so kind and was always there to lend an ear (as long as she wasn't playing matchmaker). And all the locals at the cafe provided more than enough social stimulation. And It's not like that Phil guy would come back. Dan prefered to be alone anyhow. 

But to Dan's complete amazement Phil did come back the next day, sat at the counter and ordered pancakes as if it was the most normal thing in the world. Dan continued tripping over his tongue and overthinking what to say. If Phil noticed, he didn't seem to mind. Everytime Dan found himself looking over him, Phil was looking back. 

Dan had brought out a new type of syrup that Cindy had just got in, strawberry flavored. He offered it to Phil mainly as an excuse to talk to him. 

“I like it," Phil announced. "It’s like licking plastic, but in a good way.”

"Spent much time licking plastic, Phil?"

"Haven't you? Is that not a thing?" Phil looked so concerned that Dan felt the overwhelming need to reassure him, despite his desire to laugh. 

"Nah, I bet more people do than they admit."

Phil relaxed a bit. Dan could definitely relate; sometimes things that seem normal in one's brain come out as complete nonsense, and people just write you off. He smiled at Phil, hoping it conveyed the pure elation that talking with him brought, no matter how odd. 

~

For a week it was the same: Phil came in, he talked a bit about whatever was on his mind, and ate his pancakes. Over the course of the week, Dan noticed that Phil was relaxing more and more, and by the end of the week Dan was feeling as close to Phil as he’d felt to anyone in a long time. If pressed he couldn't have told you exactly why; it's not like they talked much, nor did he actually know anything about him, but that didn't change that's Dan’s thoughts were becoming more and more preoccupied with Phil. 

This had happened before to a certain extent. Cool person comes into his life, Dan is electric with a yearning to show them he too was cool, to connect with some other part of himself that he had let die, or had maybe never let bloom. 

But Phil felt different. This wasn't just about Dan needing to connect to some neglected part of himself via another person's acceptance, this was something else too, something larger. Dan didn't just want Phil to want him, to validate that Dan was special despite living a completely un-special life. Dan wanted to know Phil. Like really know him, not just biblically. He wanted to know what song his delicate fingers were tapping out when Phil was excited about his pancakes, what would get that goofy smile/tongue reaction again, all the thoughts that were left unsaid. For the first time in Dan's memory, the desperation to talk to someone was not about needing to be known but rather needing to know. 

Dan couldn't seem to let it go, to get Phil out of his mind. But he would have to, eventually Phil would leave and Dan would be alone with himself again. 

~

"Your hand seems better," Cindy said, startlingly Dan out of his regularly-scheduled Phil daydreaming.

"What? Oh yeah…"

Dan had completely forgotten about his wound. It was feeling much better, although it still wasn't getting smaller. But if it didn't hurt, why should Dan worry?

"Dan, you know I don't like to pry,” Cindy said, "but why are you still here?”

Dan looked up from his hand. "My shifts not over for another hour...."

Cindy gave him a look.

 _Oh. This again_.

Cindy had started giving Dan gentle nudges recently, suggesting that maybe he wanted to move on. She meant well but he wished she would just leave it. 

"You are a bright young boy. You should be out there living your life. You don't want to waste away here. You came here like some little bedraggled kitten. And you just needed a little safe place to shelter, but now I think you have outgrown this little shoe box."

"Of course you can stay as long as you want," she said in response to Dan's silence. “Just don't wait too long. It gets harder to leave the older you get."

That was the first time it had occurred to Dan that maybe she was speaking from personal experience. He felt like an asshole never even asking her how or why she had ended up here. She just fit in with so much ease, of course she was here. 

"Did- did you want… something else. From life, I mean," Dan asked quietly.

"Oh, I've made peace with my lot in life," she said as she patted him on the cheek. 

~

On his walk home he imagined a young Cindy. What life she had secretly dreamed of?

And where would he be in 30 years? Would he be able to make peace with wherever that was? 

Up until now his options were a black and white choice between staying here in Nevada or going back to his “real” life in Manchester. But now Dan considered maybe there was another life that he could carve out, one where he didn't just flip between autopilot and existential panic.

But thoughts like this were dangerous, he had been here before. The manic momentum would carry him just far enough to make some huge life-changing plan, only to come crashing down. Normally the wave of energy would only last long enough to make the plans and the depression would come sneaking back before he could actually have any actual momentum. 

Then there was the time it didn't and he decided to leave. And he ended up here, stuck in Nevada for a year and counting.

~

Dan hadn't noticed the vivid dreams had stopped until he woke from a dream of the purple flowers blooming and dying on a loop like some odd time lapse of birth to death. He was left with a vague nagging sensation when he woke, like he forgot something. Not something really important, just something he wanted to remember. 

He fell back asleep.

Dan woke up again to an unbearable itching. He scratched his palm in the dark and felt something… firm? But soft?

He shook his hand frantically as he bolted up in bed. 

Living in the desert has taught him to be extra wary of foreign feelings on his body. You never knew if something that could sting or bite found their way into your bed at night. He flicked on the light and looked around, expecting to see something crawling or buzzing around the room. But there was only stillness. He looked down at his palm. The bandage was partially torn away from his scratching. He noticed a bit of green peeking out. 

_Ok... not good_. 

He removed the bandage and held his hand under the light. A pea-sized red ring encircled an odd green lump in the center of his palm. He shifted it in the light, and the green lump twitched. Dan's vision started to tunnel and he felt like he was going to pass out. He crawled out of bed to get his tweezers. He had to get this thing out of his hand right now. When he pulled, agonizing pain raked his body and everything went black.

~

Dan managed to make it to work in the morning feeling like he was stuck in some liminal space between awake and dreaming. He had wrapped his hand in extra bandages and tried to favor his right hand while carrying plates. He made it through most of his shift when Phil came in at his usual time. A wave of excitement washed over Dan, letting him temporarily forget his palm. Phil sat at his usual chair and Dan went to get his coffee. Dan winced as the weight of the cup pressed his wound as he set the coffee on the counter for Phil. 

“Are you ok?”’ Phil asked, reaching out to touch Dan's hand. 

Dan was suddenly jolted into his body at the touch. He hadn't realized his mind had been floating slightly to the left of his own body until that moment. And then as suddenly as it happened, the touch was gone. But the lingering feeling of uncomfortable clarity coursed through him. Everything was too bright and he could hear his heart beating in his ears. Then it faded, leaving behind a low grade buzzing in his skin, as if it was pulled just a bit too tight over his body. 

_God, it's been too long since I got laid. It was just a fucking touch on the wrist._

Dan desperately cast around for something to say to break the awkward tension that was emanating from him. 

“Where are you from?”

Phil looked panicked for a brief moment, like he was caught out. 

So Dan continued. “I just… it's northern right? Like Manchester?”

“Oh, umm…”

“It's ok, I'm sorry I shouldn't have pried. I'm just. Well, I miss it sometimes, home… the North was always my favorite… I was from the South but.. I went to school there, Manchester I mean. But…” He waved his hands around the cafe as if that could explain a situation even he couldn't completely understand. 

Phil's face softened. 

_I'm hiding too_. The words appeared in Dans head. Dropping softly into his brain, just as they did when he first met Phil. It hadn't happened again since. Honestly Dan had started to doubt it had really happened at all. And he definitely wasn't sure what was happening now. He met Phil's eyes and the world sang. 

Then Phil was gone, the money for his tab on the counter. And the world began to swim around him.

~

Blackness.

~

Dan found himself back at the cafe, maybe later that day? Possibly the next day? He wasn't completely sure.

Phil came into the cafe right before closing time.

Come with me, echoed inside Dan's head.

Phil stretched out his long slender fingers towards Dan's. 

“Cindy, I'm clocking out.”

“Ok love, you two have fun. And stay out of trouble!”

Dan wasn't sure if he was actually awake. The world had blurred again and suddenly he was in the desert surrounding the town. The sun was setting, coating the red brown rocks in it's thick golden light. 

Dan started to panic. Where the fuck am I?

 _You're safe_.

He looked into those blue eyes, and against all reason he relaxed

"I wanted to show you where I’m from,” Phil offered.

Dan looked blankly at him. 

“You asked and I… I didn't...I don't have the words and I… I don't always know who to trust. 

But you, you can hear me. I mean in your head?”

"That really happened?"

Phil reached out and touched Dan's hand. Look up.

The sun had set and the stars were slowly peeking out.

But what Dan saw he had only seen in dreams. 

Swirling purple and green studded with pinks and ambers. 

“That's my galaxy. My home.”


End file.
